07 Oct Matchmaking Service
Everything in this category is called a matchmaking service, and the term covers at least four businesses that work in completely different ways and cost wildly different amounts.
Most of the disappointment people report comes from buying one model while expecting another. This page is about telling them apart before you pay for one.
The four models
The database service
You join, you are added to a pool, and introductions are generated by filtering that pool on criteria. There may be a person involved, but the person is operating a search rather than exercising judgment.
It is the cheapest model and it behaves very much like a dating app with a concierge attached. The tell is that nobody has met you in person before introductions begin.
The matchmaker-led search
A specific person meets you, forms a view, and considers each introduction individually against what they learned. The pool matters but the judgment is doing the work.
The tell is a long consultation before anything is sold, and feedback after each introduction that visibly changes the next one.
The headhunting retainer
You are the only client being served by that search. Rather than drawing from existing members, the firm goes looking for candidates who are not in any pool.
It is the most expensive arrangement by a wide margin, and it suits people with unusual or very specific requirements. For most people it is more machinery than the situation needs.
The coaching hybrid
Some of what is sold as matchmaking is mostly coaching: working on how you present, how you date, and what you are looking for, with introductions as a secondary component.
Genuinely valuable for some people and a poor purchase for anyone who arrived wanting introductions. The distinction between the two is set out in our note on choosing between a dating coach and a matchmaker.
Questions that reveal which one you are looking at
Five questions, none of which a straightforward firm will mind answering.
Who decides on an introduction, and have they met both people? This single question separates the database model from the rest.
Where do candidates come from? An existing membership, an outside search, or both. All three are legitimate and they produce very different experiences.
What happens after an introduction that does not work? You are listening for a feedback process that changes the search, rather than simply moving to the next name.
What is actually verified about the other person? Identity, marital status and whether they are genuinely looking for the same thing. This is most of what you are paying for, and it is worth knowing how far it goes.
Who else is served by the person handling my search, and how many at once? An honest answer here tells you a great deal about how much attention your case will get.
What a matchmaking service is actually selling
Not romance, which nobody can sell, and not a guarantee, which nobody can honour. Three things, and it is worth knowing whether you value them.
Screening. That the person is who they say, is actually free, and wants what you want. This is the most concrete part of the offer, and the reason most people arrive from apps. Pew Research Center found that about half of online daters aged 50 and older, 47%, had encountered someone they thought was trying to scam them.
Judgment. Someone who has met you both weighing compatibility, readiness and communication style rather than filtering on height and postcode.
Privacy. No public profile and no searchable database. For people in public-facing work this is frequently the whole reason they are in the room.
Who it does not suit
Worth stating plainly, because an unregulated category with a reputation problem does itself no favours by being vague.
Anyone dating casually. The whole structure assumes you want a long-term relationship, and it is poor value otherwise.
Anyone who has not finished the last relationship. Readiness is assessed at the consultation, and being asked to come back later is a real outcome.
Anyone wanting a guarantee. No service can promise an outcome, and published success-rate figures in this industry deserve hard questions, which we put in our note on matchmaker success rate claims.
Frequently asked questions
How much does a matchmaking service cost?
It varies enormously by model, which is why a figure quoted before anyone has met you tells you almost nothing. What drives the number is set out in our note on what drives matchmaker cost.
How is it different from a dating app?
An app gives you volume and leaves the screening and judgment to you. A matchmaking service does both of those and gives you far fewer people. If your problem is that you are not meeting anyone, an app may genuinely be the better tool. If your problem is that the people you meet are misrepresented or want something different, it is not.
Do I have to be wealthy to use one?
No, though the category markets itself as though you do. The models vary widely in price, and the headhunting retainer that shapes the public impression is the least common of the four.
How many introductions should I expect?
It depends on how specific your requirements are and how many people currently fit them. A firm that gives you a confident number before meeting you is quoting a package rather than describing your case.
Will anyone know I am a client?
With a private service, no. Ask specifically whether any profile of you exists anywhere, and who can see it. The answer should be short.
Where Los Angeles Singles sits
For clarity rather than persuasion: this is the second model. A matchmaker meets you at a one-to-one consultation, considers each introduction individually, and uses your feedback after each one to narrow the search. There is no public profile and no searchable database, and the firm has been doing this in Los Angeles for more than twenty-five years. Whether that is the right model for you is a reasonable thing to work out before committing to anything, and the consultation exists partly so you can ask the five questions above in person. If it seems worth a conversation, you can start with an application.
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